Kenya is rather odd...

This totally doesn't go in sync with the other emails but it was too good that I had to send it right away. Some of these things are self-explanatory but still hilarious.

Pretty Woman
Everyone here dresses really nice, which is rather odd because they live in houses made on animal feces. I'm serious. For example, a lady in a cocktail dress chasing five starving goats around a front yard fence made of pop bottles and twigs. It makes me feel rather underdressed sometimes.

What heat?
Everyone here loves their sweaters, which is just frankly nuts. I have learned to wear them as well; however, mine are not knit with collars up around my ears. Is there something I'm missing here....

I was lost in your arms tonight....
The music here is two decades behind. For the past three weeks I have been rocking out to sweet sounds of Pat Benatar, Tupac, Sting and M.C. Hammer. Word to your mother.

Use it or lose it
They don't use the things they own. I sleep on a mattress that Lucy refuses to take the plastic off of it. It is hot during the night in our room because we can't open up the windows - another example - so I have to peel my body off the plastic because my skin has melted to it every time I have to go to the bathroom.

Clearly Discrimination
You have to pay an extra 10-20 ksh for a diet coke versus a regular coke. I understand you all are thin but seriously - it's not like you import it in just for me. There has to be some chunky people here I can unite with on this issue of obvious discrimination.

Memo not needed.
On the same line, I do not need to be told I'm fat. I've figured it out already. For example, I know that if we're cramming four people in the backseat I shouldn't be one of them. The driver on the safari kept holding his hands apart out to demonstrate how much room I would be using versus the other people if I was there and saying "tooooo biiiigggg." Thanks, I got it.

What ^&%^%^& saying?
People here use a mixture of Swahili and English. Sometimes they will start in one and end in a total other language. They don't figure out why I can't follow along. Here is an example for you try at home. Swahili = @@. I don't @@ any other @@ than English so @@ trying to confuse @@ with another @@.

I need a tan
In China they yell out American anytime they see a white person; here they yell out white. Could you imagine if I went to Harlem and yelled out black every time someone walked by? I'll have to let them know I learned how to do it in Kenya.

Something tastes interesting.
That would be cooking oil; the natural taste of everything Kenyan. Lucy made us salad last night and I was so excited to have boiled cabbage. Unfortunately all I got was a big mouthful of salad with cooking oil dressing. That would probably be the reason why I vacation in the bathroom....