Jeremy and I had a
conversation the other night about how many children a family should have. I am set firmly on two, but Jeremy is starting to lean towards three. I am positive that I will win that battle unless he agrees to have the third one.
I am so glad there is not a set number and it is a personal choice that should come down to prayer and promptings. But what if you don't get any solid promptings? What other considerations should be priorities?
I've been asking tons of friends and family lately and it has been very enlightening to hear their answers. Some people have financial concerns both for the care of their children now and in the future. Others have shared concerns over whether they can emotionally handle more children. Some people are worried about being older mothers and it limits the number they feel they can have. One friend I know came from a large family and hated it so she had only one child. Another friend was an only child and hated it so she created a larger family.
So I thought it would be fun to hear what you guys thought. What is the perfect number for you and why? What if you can't agree on a number? Who should get the final say?
7 comments:
Ha ha Denise. You totally picked a hot topic.
I used to think I could really determine the number of kids I "wanted," but the more people I know around me that are having or are trying to have kids, I realize that this is a process in which we get to participate in, but not really one that we have total control over.
When I ask Jayson how many kids he wants, he says "however many the Lord gives us." I used to think that was such a cop-out answer, but I really get what he means now. We will take it one at a time, trying to get pregnant when we feel ready. It took me longer than I thought it would to feel ready and to get pregnant with our second. And now that I'm pregnant again I remember how tough it is at times to share your body with someone else. But, I know that for me, this isn't it--there is or are more kids in our future.
So for me, I think my decision is made by being open minded and receptive to the Spirit. My sister-in-laws sister just had a surprise baby at 47, and many many of my friends can't get pregnant at all. Take what you get and be grateful for each one--that's our philosophy.
My answers will run the gamut from totally cheese to totally sardonic. Jamie and I always jokingly wonder, do people who pray to have more kids ever get NO as an answer? If they do then they certainly never share those experiences. Sadly, we have to pretty practical about the number of kids we have, factoring in maternity leave, cost, and what we can handle as two working parents. I think at most, we'll have four, but even that feels like a lot as a working mom. It doesn't feel fair. Here's the cheesy part, I tell Jamie that I may not be able to have a large family in this lifetime so I can't wait to have a million babies in the next. I love children and babies and think they are so amazing and glorious. I also think having siblings is one of the neatest experiences in life--beautiful and trying and wonderful.
Cliff and I came from families with 3 kids so we always thought we would have 3 until I got pregnant and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. During my pregnancy I seriously thought that might be it. Now I am open to at least one more (as I think siblings can be a good thing,) but it might just be the one more. Who knows? Maybe the next pregnancy will be easier and I will change my mind again? I've always been of the school of thought that you should have as many as you can financially and emotionally handle but that is just my opinion. My mother has a friend that has 10 kids and although this particular family can "afford" all of those children, the mother has had some serious battles with depression and the kids aren't as cared for as maybe they should be. It's tough. How much a person can handle needs to be between them, their spouse, and the Lord.
That is a good question. Let me know when you get an answer so I am not left out of the loop and I'll tell you my perspective when I get to that point.
Loved everyone's answers! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. It is so much fun to see how different (and sometimes similar) all my friends are.
I can't wait to get home and see if Jeremy has changed his mind. Perhaps he'll leave his opinion...
Here's my take. I think you think you know, but you don't. Don't say you know how many kids you want. It might not be true. Or it might be true, then you change your mind. I don't know. Mind boggling. I like my four. I'll keep them.
I know we talked about this the other day a little, but I think it is a constantly changing issue. There are times when I am pregnant that I think "I will never to this again." There are times when I'm in the middle of a war-like standoff with my 3 year old that I think "I can't believe I've already signed up to do this part twice!" But then there is that moment. That precious moment that can't be captured on film (otherwise wouldn't we all blog it?) where you are so content and happy and no one is pulling hair, or pinching or whining and you think "If everyday could be like this, I'd have a ton more kids."
Then someone pulls hair, whines, starts crying, or spreads poop all over and you snap out of it.
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