I love being Mormon. There are so many great things in my church that make me incredibly happy. I don’t for a second regret my decision to join the church. I love the people in my church. I love what they teach and how it makes me feel. I have a testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel and try my best to keep up and follow along.However, lately, some hot-button issues have come up in my church that I have very strong feeling about. Unfortunately, the church and I stand on opposite sides of the disagreement, and regardless of how many prayers I sent on their behalf they just aren’t budging. We’ve agreed to disagree.
That being said, something came up on Mother’s Day that really rubbed me the wrong way. It began with a letter from the District Presidency of our church. After a few well-placed flowery words they basically told us to keep our dang kids quiet during church – that wasn’t their words at all but that was the meaning.
So here are a few thoughts that I had in response.
First, clearly Abby is a problem in church. But not everyone’s kid is. I don’t know when we decided the group shout out was better than speaking to the offenders one-on-one. It’s a cop out. In the end, people who aren’t a problem get paranoid that they are, and people who are the problem probably have no clue you are talking to them. In fact, they probably didn’t show up, which is probably why were able to hear your announcement in the first place.
Second, we are in a ward that is basically made up of single mothers. Military wives often have deployed spouses and civilian wives often have husbands out of the country. Just getting to church in one piece, with all your kids in matching outfits, and enough snacks to feed the kids in your row and the row behind you IS a miracle in itself. Count your many blessings.
Thirdly, it takes us 1.5 hours to get to church. Then we are in church for 3 hours. Then it takes 1.5 hours to get home again. PLUS we have to go an hour early for Jeremy to make his Elder’s Quorum meetings. THEN we have to stay about 30 minutes afterward so that Jeremy can chat-it-up with the people he serves. That means we spend 7.5 hours doing church related things every Sunday. Not to mention the time it takes to get Abby ready, us ready, the dogs walked and fed, and lessons prepared before we even get out of the door. One can probably imagine how rambunctious a 15-month-old is when the day is over.
Fourth, I go even though I don’t get anything out of it at the moment. It’s hard to let the messages sink in when I’m going in and out of room whenever Abby decides to scream, getting toys out for her to play with, feeding her, changing diapers, grabbing her while she tries to run up to the stage, stopping her from grabbing the bread and water when they pass it out, stop her from ripping the hymn book, etc. My favorite part of the day is the ride home when Jeremy asks me what we talked about and I spend 10 minutes trying to remember who spoke during my classes.
In summary, we’re doing the best we can. Our children are not perfect but they have wonderful spirits that are difficult for us to control sometimes. Being a mother is a wonderfully complicated calling with a steep learning curve (at least for this mother). Give us a hand if we look stressed out. Mother’s Day is not the best day to tell us that we’re not doing a great job.
10 comments:
True that. The people that need to hear those things are most certainly the ones that are not there, or that aren't listening. I missed this little letter, but I'm sure it wasn't written just for you. I would totally approach you and be like, "Make Abby shut the stink up." If that were necessary. Which I don't think it is. Feel free to do the same with me and my kids. (I've got two now, it's why I missed the reading of the letter. XD)
AMEN!
You are so right! The ones who need to hear it, don't.
Don't worry - I think you guys are doing such a great job! ---and I'm not just saying that!
Unfortunately, sometimes we just have to let things roll of our backs. . .
Denise--If it makes you feel better, my sister sat alone with her 5 children (particularly out-of -control and DISRUPTIVE during sacrament) with Elder L. Tom Perry on the stand watching on. Her bishop later told her that he (Elder Perry) loved watching her and her kids and whole-heartedly approved and sypathized with her. So there you go--that's what the real BIG GUNS think!
That is a long Sunday--you guys are reaping in the blessings somewhere! The snack sharing line is hilarious because it is so true. I am picturing the neighbors kid peering over the bench with that longing look on their face...what else are you going to do??
Also, I don't know when in the 3 1/2 years I've been going to church with kids this happened, but at this point I actually listen better now with kids then without. I am so used to the constant interruptions that without them my mind wanders ALL over the place, but when I do have my kids interrupting me constantly I have to try SO much harder to listen that I really do get little gems of truth that inspire me every time. I'm hoping that eventually I will learn how to concentrate again when peace and quiet is actually available. Good luck to all us mothers!!
WEll said Denise. What an insult! If you want a quiet church then we'll keep our kids at home. I don't buy it but then again, I rarely go to church these days because it is too hard for me to handle my TWO baby babes by myself in a ward that doesn't recognize when a struggling mother could use a hand. I applaud your faith and righteousness for dedicating seven hours of each Sunday to the church. You are awesome!
We've been taking Brie to church with us since March...I remember the second week with her there feeling like my Sundays had been turned upside down. (I can't even imagine adding a 1.5 hour commute on top of that!) Instead of being the "front row joes" we now sit in the very back next to the nearest door. We spend most of our time in the hall (where there is a world I never realized existed oustide the chapel doors...the world of moms (and dads) trying to calm their kids down :0)) or in the mothers' room! Needless to say that I don't hear much of what is being said in the meetings.
Yesterday I finally decided that maybe my role at church has changed for the time being and that in part it may be getting to know the other moms in the ward (and stake) that I wouldn't have otherwise. Who knows, but it brought me some peace. What funny times, eh?
Lâche pas les patates! :0)
my mom grew up like that--3 hour commute to church both ways, and her dad was stake president and therefore they spent ALL DAY at church.
but i really can't believe they would say something like that. it's a good thing i wasn't in that meeting. i might have stood up and started yelling.
i'm sure you're doing a great job. mae was a terror at church, and she grew out of it. i'm sure if abby truly having a hard time, she'll grow out of it too. kids are kids...let them be kids!
Interesting...hmmm. What do I think? I wonder if that was directed to the people who honestly don't care or try to teach their children that sacrament is place to be reverent. I will be the first to admit that my kids are some what of a challenge during that block of church, but we do try. I think that is what counts at this stage of life. I assume that others understand and have compassion when your child is screaming and ripping out your earings, hair, necklace, etc. As long as I am assuming they understand, it isn't so rough! Love ya girl! Hang in there!
p.s. why on earth did they choose mother's day for that announcement?
Wow, your blog sure did stir up a lot of emotion! Babies are definitely unpredictable. When I was childless watching the babies and young children was one of my favourite parts of church. Church is all about community. If someone at your church is unhappy with your child's behaviour maybe they could step in and attempt to entertain them for a while and see how "easy" it is. There is NO WAY Greg and I would be going to church with a toddler if the drive was that long and we were going to be there all day.
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