Saturday, May 30, 2009

Rhino Rockets

Since I started running I have been some problems breathing. My body feels great but I just can’t catch my breath and keep it level and even. Everyone was telling me that I should breathe through my nose and out through my mouth but that made me incredibly dizzy, which isn’t great when you’re running by yourself in a nearly-abandoned military base.

So I went and saw the doctor and he noticed the problem right away -- I have a deviated septum, which means I can only breathe effectively from one side of my nose. No wonder why I felt like passing out. I also have gross tonsils that get infected every year. And, last but not least, my terbinates need to be shaved back so that I have more room in my nose. It’s all about shaving a little off the bones.

Monday morning I’m going to be heading into surgery to get the above problems fixed. Sweet joy!

FIVE FUN THINGS ABOUT THIS SURGERY….

Become BFF with Media
I’ve already downloaded season five Lost, season two Private Practice, season three of The Unit, season three of Brothers & Sisters, plus I borrowed books, books, and more books. I’m totally ready to curl up in bed and rest the week away.

Playing Guess Where the Blood is Coming From
The doctor said that I will bleed from both my nose and my throat. I should be concerned if I have intense bleeding from either; although with the combination of two surgeries I should have more bleeding than the average person. Hint: since my nose should heal faster than my throat, it should ooze and bleed a brown color, while my throat will bleed a pink/red color.

Daddy Daycare
Jeremy took off a week and a half to help me with Abby and be at both my surgeries. He is so excited. I am so happy to have such a wonderful, compassionate and helpful husband.

Dropping Some LBS
Nothing says dieting like a 10 day low-cal liquid diet.

Hospital Goodness
Airy robes, room service, complimentary toiletries – the hospital is nothing but a poor man’s Ritz Carleton.

FIVE BAD THINGS ABOUT THIS SURGERY….

Numbness
Apparently I won’t be able to feel my teeth for a month after my surgery, which I guess is better than feeling pain in my teeth. I have no idea why since I’m having nothing done to them. Tis the joy of medical mysteries.

Sporting the Rhino Rocket Nose Tampons
Enough said.

No Exercising
I’m a little bit terrified that my body will forget that I’ve been working my butt off and I’ll have to start from scratch again after I heal. It took me a LONG time to teach myself how to run, and even LONGER to learn to like it. Ugh. I hope all the liquid doesn’t pool in my behind and give me jiggle buns.

Keeping Distance from Abby
Abby is in a slapping/hitting phase, which could get pretty painful if she hauls off and slugs me anywhere near my face. It’s all fun and games until she pulls out the Rhino Rockets while I’m buzzing on the Percocet. We’re going to need a little space until I get my act together.

The Round Two
What goes in must eventually come out. I’m totally not looking forward to the splints and tampons exiting my nasal cavity, which my doctor kindly pointed out is going to be incredibly painful for a brief moment. Then I get more drugs.

***Drugs: Just say heck YES.***

8 comments:

Being Ausmus said...

Oh my gosh Denise!!! I'm aching for you...and laughing at you all at the same time!!! I love picturing you with rhino rocket tampons in your nose:)!!! So if you're going to be bleeding both from nose and throat how the heck are you suppose to breath??? My poor LuD...what did that mean again...something flute? Anyway...don't worry your body won't forget! You're not going to crack out a 5 mile the first time you go but its like riding a bicycle...your body will remember and soooo love the feeling of getting out there again. You're going to leave those runnin sisters of yours in the dust:)!!! Whoop whoop!!! Love you, I'll be thinking of you and praying for you!!! Enjoy those airy gowns:)!!! A booty tap from me to you:)! xo

Libby said...

Denise - Drink, drink, drink for the next week. Keep the area moist by staying hydrated and it will not hurt as much. Also pain meds. every 4 hrs. or as ordered by Dr. You can take Tylenol q4h. We advise parents to set alarm clocks for the night to give the pain med. regularly to stay ahead of the pain as with mouth breathing when sleeping, your throat dries out more. No aspirin related products. Some ear pain is normal too because of closeness of the nerves. I was sixteen when I had my tonsils out. I remember it well. If you know when they are going to remove the "tampons", take the med. a half hr. before. You will be glad that they are coming out just to breathe thru. your nose!! Read your books, watch your tv. and rest. I will be thinking about you. Call me at home or on my cell if I can answer some questions for you.

Crystal said...

First off you may not lose lbs from the diet, but you will look better. It happened to me after my major surgery. Everyone told me how great I looked, but I didn't drop a lb. But I did fit better in my pants.

Also we all know you are going in to really get a nose job just like the celebs. They call it a "deviated septum" but it's really a nose job. XD

And definitely keep your distance. My surgery went through my stomach and Ainsley tried to hug me and I cried. And that was just a sweet hug. I felt awful.

Holly and Spencer said...

Good luck! I hope everything goes well. As for your running, I am really impressed. You need to teach me your secrets so I dont have "jiggle buns".

Rachel said...

I will send you the awful picture of Joel with the rhino rocket in place (it gave him a black eye because of the pressure--although his was the result of a 5 hour nosebleed extravaganza). Have fun with that one! Good luck, we love you, we'll pray for you and we wish we could be there to help:(

A Friend's Perspective said...

Good luck on your surgery my friend. At least when you blow your nose you'll know where the snot comes from (based on color)!

Take care and enjoy those movies. Tell the family hello and stay away!

Love ya.

Jessica said...

I love this post--serious LOL'ing going one. I hope Abby doesn't punch you in the face and I hope you take photos of you rocking the nasal tampons! Above all, I hope all goes well and that your recovery is quick. You wont forget how to run--it will be easier.

stanky said...

So sorry you're feeling awful!! I put your name in last night so you should be feeling better soon or maybe the answer will just be that abbers won't punch you in the face... Let me know if you want me to bring you some delicious soft-serve goodness! hugs.